How to Bake and Ice a Cake in Under an Hour.


Scenario Number One:

You got stuck working late/in traffic and now you need to leave the house in 2 hours to get to a birthday celebration and you promised to bring a cake, you should bring a present, and you deffinately should shower, straighten your hair and look nicer.

Scenario Number Two:

You forgot it’s your friends birthday and only remembered after you’d phoned her to bitch about your day. You told her your running a little behind but of course you didn’t forget, you have a cake waiting for her in your fridge! Only to realize that the bakery across the street is closed for renovations.

Scenario Number Three:

Your dog has an alliance with your cats, who pushed the cake off the counter so he could eat it. I actually watched my pets do this once, so I know it happens. Now you’ve got one hour to reproduce a cake nice enough to serve for the birthday your throwing your friend, who used to date your husband and you want to show up, just a little bit.

I have an answer to all your problems! Well, not world peace, or a million dollars, but cake problems I have you sorted on.

The answer is, cake mix.

No no, not Betty Crocker just add water cake mix. Home made cake mix. Mix that you just throw together in a bowl with things you already have in your pantry. Your going to use half of it in the cake that your going to produce in seconds flat and the other half you’ll put in that mason jar that you got pickles or over priced jam in, tie a ribbon around it and then you have a present too.

Preheat your oven to 350F

flour and butter 3 8 inch cake pans.

Make this lovely cake mix,

Cake Mix:

5 cups sugar

7 cups Flour

3 tbsp Baking Powder

*optional, you can add in 1 cup of cocoa powder to make it a chocolate cake mix.

Save out 3 1/2 cups of the mix and package the rest up however you like.

Add to the reserved mix

4 eggs

1 cup milk

1 cup veg oil

*if you’ve added the cocoa powder to the mix make it 1 1/2 cups milk.

Mix that together and there’s your batter.

Pour it into the pans and bake for about 25 minutes or until an inserted skewer comes out with only a few moist crumbs.

While your cake is in the oven your going to take a quick shower, wash your face, and moisturize. Then, you take the cake out of the oven and while its cooling you’ll pick and outfit, dry your hair, and whip together this until it holds stiff peaks:

2 cups of whipping cream

2 tbsp Icing sugar

1 tsp Vanilla extract

*optional, if you have a cup of creme fraiche, mascarpone, cream cheese or even sour cream you can add that in too. Lemon zest is also a nice addition if you have a lemon kicking around.

Now you’ll slice up

2 cups of fruit,

maybe it’s berries, maybe it’s pears, maybe it’s grapefuit segments. Canned peaches would be excellent. What ever you have on hand will be delicious.

Now for the cake.

Unmold it and put the bottom layer on the plate or cake stand.

Then you can blob some of the cream on it and push it to the edges without having it drip over.

Now add some fruit placing it in a single layer. Put the next layer of cake on top and repeat. Don’t fuss to much, this is a rustic cake, don’t break hairs over it.

Instead, pop it in the fridge and go make your hair look nice, throw some make up on, and then take your cake in one hand, and use your other to wave down a cab while all the cute guys within a ten block radius come to check out the cute girl with the awesome looking cake who looks so effortless about it all.